This is no pretext but rather an axiom. We all want- need- sex. Though it might be flummox to myself. But the need is rather a hex we fall under not a noxious or harmful as the right winged Christians might have us believe. We become transfixed in our want/need/yearnings like deer caught in on coming headlights. We line up at bars, social events, bath, the fruit loop, and even public restrooms—like a regiment phalanx. Yet we all bollix as unapt boy just learning how to play catch. Each time we chase—exhilarating—awkward hunting. Is he “Mr. Right”? Or Mr. Right-now”?

Not just to orgasm, we seek the milk of human contact. To touch a god… (Freyr…) To touch the god within us all... Like in the ritual of Freyr that I took part in at Between the Worlds, 2007 where the gift of intimate touch from kiss to cock sucking was a spiritual expression. We all stopped short of orgasm giving to Freyr the ecstasy of the near orgasmic experiences. I am currently seeing a friend, Jim. We have near orgasmic sex as part of getting to know each other and enjoy tantric practice. Saving the chi energy, “this is for Freyr” applied here as it did at BTW.

Yes, I am having sex with some regularity but I hunger for that expression I have with Jim, as it is more spiritual. But yes, I long for the warm velvet wet of his sweet anus or him in mine, by taking baby steps to get there make the hunger all the greater. It’s like making great stew the meat and vegetables need to simmer for a long time. And if it taste swell today it’ll be even better tomorrow. Is it love I feel with Jim? Yes, love for friend, co-radical faery, and a pal amour; and yes with the possibilities of more than just the quickie found in a park, alley or even my basement den. It’s more than the like-mindedness, social consciousness, more than the sharing of mere chi; I feel it’s touching one’s true god. So as we search looking for “Mr. Right”. List your desires on some paper, the basic sexual ones and the one for comradely, the feeling of family, the belonging, even which side of the bed he’ll sleep on then burn them on a new moon, a moon of promise on a red candle anointed with apple blossom or rose oils. Reading them as they burn in your finger tips. Now await a real magick. The magick of being the love you asked for. The magick of being the “Mr. Right” for “your Mr. Right”. So tonight if dreams come true I’ll win the power ball lottery jackpot tomorrow and finding “Mr. Right” will be another problem yet for me. May you have your hearts desire and may his desire be you. Bon chance! Good luck! Blessed it be!

With that said let’s speak more of Jim. He’s older than I but the one of the most self-aware gay man I’ve had pleasure to meet. A Buddhist, vegetation, Radical Faery, hard working and hard playing sort of guy, Jim is no less than awesome. I’ve given him a few shiatsu massages that have led to heavy petting to say the least. We’ve yet to orgasm together. But it is my dream, my mission to give him all pleasures that his heart would desire. To say that I love him, yes, but not in love with him. It’s deeper than that, comrade. There are these possibilities always, so time will tell. I feel that he’s the kind of man I could loose myself in. Our encounters sexually are too personal and too profound to share. But I will share-- that the amount of chakra energy shared is too deep to articulate, not being nebulous, it holds me in stupefaction for my weak abilities to put into words. Making love with him is the cosmos that I literally feel the stars orbiting us. When we are together, alone or in the company of others, the gravity of this soul - attraction is like a black hole. Fortuitous, I am lost in its abyss. I’ve meditated for over 40 years (Hindu and Kaballistically) but never feel as grounded as when I am in his company. Could he be my Mr. Right? Could he just be the greatest experience of my life? No matter what he is or what he may become, he is the salvation to my hungry soul. When in his strong arms I am all but whole. My soul, now, needs him like the air I breathe.

Yes, I’ve been in love and I’ve been loved but seldom, if ever, has I had my soul soar as when I am held in is azure eyes. His punam is mature but still holds all of the beauty of lost years and time fades away. I am reborn in his sly smile and disarming embrace. Yes, with Jim I, not only, have seen god but also walked with him, Freyr. And with all satisfaction, indulgence I am his friend. I count each day of knowing this man as a blessing. He makes all that know him better men for that fact.

Is it you his mind?
Is it your beauty?
Is it your manly sense/scent?
Are you a man?
Are you a wise one?
Love me.
Mentor me.
Name me your own.
You are what dream of made of…
Illusive--
Just out of reach--
Ethereal--
Unreal--
Serial--
Incubus--
Hypnotic--
Lust--
Spiritual—
And more than the sum of reality
A man...
Could you be my man?